Starcraft Outakes V -or- Behind the Scenes I
by DarkPaladin
Summary: Took to long for this, but I finally got back to it!! (insert evil laughter here) News on the Slayers story... Note: Be warned, it may have some mistakes


Starcraft Outakes Pt V -or- Starcraft, Behind the Scenes pt. I

DEAR LORD, DID EVERYBODY LIKE 'WHO SPIKED THE EGGNOG' OR WHAT!?

Hello Again! I'm back and I apologize for this one to take so long. 

School's been kicking me around for a while now, and I had to catch up, 

but I'm back!! (for the time being, anyways)

Now, I need to start off with somebody reviewing me here. First is Kojiro Takamashi, who writes:

"This was very good. although telling us what the S. and inf. meant when you first used them would have been nice."

I'm terribly sorry, I forgot to notify that. S = Sarah and Inf = 

Infested. If you had read some of the other outakes, you would have 

found one scene that shows both Sarah and Infested Kerrigan. Now, if 

you missed the idea, Infested Kerrigan is usually with Raynor (for the 

heck of it) and Sarah is usually with Duran (more like he's following 

her around.

Here's another one, it's from TK~Jimmy, and he says:

"i know, i know, they're outtakes (and good ones at that) but i just wanted to point out that valkyerie pilots would be just as likely to beat up duke as kerrigan. medic or dropship pilot would work better. still good outtakes htou! =)"

Well, I do know that Valkyries are strong and can take care of 

themselves, but their's a method to my madness. You wanna know? Well, 

here's a scene just to show why should Kerrigan worry...

||Scene 32: Inf. Kerrigan, YOU SAVED ME!! Pt. 2||

{[To understand the gag, you would need to know what the Valkyrie says 

in the game]}

(Scene takes place as it always does, behind the scenes (maybe that's 

what I should start calling these fics) Raynor, Tassadar, Artanis and 

Zeratul are trying to relax as best they can, near a coffee table. 

Well, almost. Raynor is looking around worriedly for Inf. Kerrigan 

while Zeratul is cleaning a little stain on the table with the Stain-o 

Remover 3000 (looks more like a sander))

Zeratul- "(screaming) TAKE THAT YOU FILTHY PILE OF SCUM!!!"

Tassadar- "Sigh, we can't take you anywhere, can we? (looks over at 

Raynor) Raynor? You okay?"

Raynor- "Just worried about Kerrigan, she went to talk to the Valkyrie 

girl and hasn't come back yet."

Tassadar- "Oooooo...something tells me those two aren't talking right 

now."

Raynor- "Great, you're making me feel sooooooo much better..."

(Just then, Inf. Kerrigan runs into the room, sweat rolling down every 

part of her body you can see.)

Raynor- "Kerrigan?"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Quick!! You got to hide me!! Hide me!! Hide me, 

please!!"

Artanis- "(looking like he's dizzy) Why?" (You'll understand why I put 

the 'dizzy' part later)

Inf. Kerrigan- "Just hide me!!"

Raynor- "Okay, okay, hide under the coffe table here..."

(Kerrigan jumps underneath the tablecloth. A few seconds later the 

same Valkyrie walks in, wearing the tightest looking leather suite you 

have ever seen. In one hand were ropes of chains and a saddle, in the 

other hand there was a whip and some gags. She also had a hold of a 

rope, tide to the rope was a Medic, wearing skimpier clothing than the 

Valkyrie)

Valkyrie- "(to Medic) Just stay there, slave, while I look around for 

your next roomie."

Medic- "Yes Mistress."

Valkyrie- "(to guys, who have there jaws hanging to the ground [Even 

if the Protoss have no mouths]) Excuse me, but have you seen that cute 

little Inf. Kerrigan? I know you all saw her help me out awhile ago, 

so I wanted to return the favor..."

Raynor- "Uhhhhh...she went that was (points to the right)"

Valkyrie- "Okay!! (smiles happily) C'mon, slave, don't be a naughty 

girl and come with me."

Medic- "(happily) Okay, Mistress!"

(Valkyrie and Medic walk off)

Inf. Kerrigan- "Is she gone yet?"

Zeratul- "Y-y-yeah, she's gone."

(Inf. Kerrigan pops out of her hiding place)

Inf. Kerrigan- "Thank God she didn't catch me."

Tassadar- "Oh really? Kerrigan, I thought you were into that thing..."

(Inf. Kerrigan glares at him as she takes out her mallet, but Tassadar 

jumps out of the room before she could use it)

||Scene 33: Edmund, the Pervert||

(Scene takes place during break (I'm doing too many of these) Raynor 

is sitting down at a table, drinking a coffee. Beside him was Artanis, 

Fenix and Tassadar, all of them are talking and trying to leave Raynor 

alone at the time)

(A scream is heard, making all four males jump in horror. Sarah 

Kerrigan walks out of the women's bathroom, white as a sheet. Raynor 

blinks as she sits down beside him, not looking at any of them.)

Raynor- "Sarah? You okay?"

Sarah- "................................................"

Raynor- "C'mon, you can tell me..."

Sarah- "Y...Ya know the time when I told you their's a hole in the 

wall in one of the troughs......"

Raynor- "(raises an eyebrow) Yeah..."

Sarah- "...I....I......I saw an eye staring through that hole."

Raynor- O_o "Huh?"

Sarah- "......I.....I managed to poke him in the eye though"

Raynor- O_o "I wonder who would to such a sick and vile thing like tha..."

(Edmund Duke passes by, covering up one of his eyes)

Raynor- "...Question answered..."

||Scene 34: Artanis the Taxi Driver||

(Scene takes place in-between scenes of the last battle. Arcturus is 

walking around with the Matriarch, talking a bit about taking over the 

world. [he's the only character that has the same attitude here] 

Matriarch isn't really paying attention, she's more or less giving him 

the look of death)

Matriarch- "(changing the subject) So what are some of the guys doing 

after this 'Expansion Set' is done?"

Arcturus- "Not sure. I know Raynor and Inf. Kerrigan are going to 

find a house nearby the studio, Tassadar and his girlfriend Sophia are 

going to be at different Sci-fi conventions to heckle the guest 

stars. No doubt Zeratul is staying her to 'clean up,' Fenix is 

probably going to a gun show after this. I do know that Artanis has a 

job, though."

Matriarch- "And that is?"

(A Taxi cab bursts through one of the doors, riding around on the set, 

spinning and twirling around. It crashes into a wall nearby Matriarch 

and Arcturus, and the doors open to reveal Duran and Edmund, both blue 

in the face, sitting down in the back seat. In the front we see 

Artanis, looking a tad dizzy himself.)

Artanis- "(turning towards the passengers) Out!!"

(Edmund and Duran fall out of the taxi, and Artanis starts to drive 

along and out of the studio. Matriarch and Arcturus sweatdrop)

[No, this is not the reason why Artanis was dizzy in 32]

||Scene 35: Meet the family||

(Scene takes place during the Star-characters' vacation. Inf. 

Kerrigan, Raynor, Tassadar and his girlfriend, Sophie, are going out to 

a play [somehow Sophie and Inf. Kerrigan talked the guys into going] 

and are currently dressed up in dresses and tuxedos)

Inf. Kerrigan- "All right, let's get out of here before the director 

comes and gets us!!"

Sophie- "Wait, Wait!! We have to wait for my sister and her fiancee' to get here!!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Sister?"

Raynor- "her fiancee?"

Sophie- "Yeah!! They're the cutess couple!!"

Raynor- "(to Inf. K in a whisper) I really hate to see this, it's 

strange enough having a she-alien and a protoss going out."

Inf. Kerrigan- "(to Raynor in a whisper) I know what you mean..."

(There's a bell sound)

Sophie- "Oh, that's them right there!"

(Sophie opens the door, revealing yet another alien. This one looks just like Sophie, only this one has larger breasts and a pair of wings on her back. Beside her is one of the largest Predators [I hope everyone knows what the Predators are from] that anybody has ever seen, his tuxedo almost popping at the seems.)

(Inf. Kerrigan and Raynor's mouths drop right to the floor)

Alien- "Hi, you must be Raynor, and you are Kerrigan, It's a pleasure to meet the two fo you!!"

Predator- "(happily) Yeah, Tassadar has told so much about you two, it's like we already know you!!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "(To Raynor in a whisper) That's the oddest family I 

have ever seen."

Raynor- "Let's hope Sophie doesn't have any more brothers or sisters..."

||Scene 36: Edmund does it again||

(Scene takes place after a day of filming (it's same time that S. 

Kerrigan sees what Duran did.) Raynor is searching for Edmund Duke, 

seeing if he wants to go to the same party. Raynor knocks on the 

door.)

Edmund- "Who is it?"

Raynor- "It's me, Jim"

Edmund- "(long pause) Uhhhhh...what do you want?"

Raynor- "I just want to know if ya want to go to the party tonight, 

everyone's invited!!"

Edmund- "I...uhhh...need to go to the bathroom first, I'll meet you all there later!!"

Raynor- "Okay (waits a moment, then whispers) I think I'll come 

anyways..."

(Raynor enters room silently, Edmund is no where to be found. He is about to leave when he hears some strange moaning from the computer. Curious, Raynor walks over to the computer. On the screen was Inf. Kerrigan, Sarah Kerrigan, a Medic and a Valkyrie pilot, all wearing nothing but panties and bras, all swaying around.)

(Edmund walks in)

Raynor- ¬_¬

Edmund- "Uhhh...what are ya looking at...?" ^_^'

Raynor- ¬_¬ "Your gonna die a slow and painful death for putting both my Kerrigan and her sister on this computer..."

Edmund- "......oh shit..."

(Last thing you hear is a massive blast from Edmunds trailor)

Edmund- "Edmund Duke is blasting off aga...(hits a nearby building)...owww..."

||Scene 38: Duke's Last Act of Stupidity||

(Scene takes place in Duke's trailor. Raynor, Duran, Tassadar, and 

Arcturus are standing around, watching as Duke sat at his desk, typing 

up some stuff)

Tassadar- "(After a few minutes of watching Duke) WILL YOU JUST TELL 

US WHY YOU CALLED US HERE!!"

Duke- "Wha...Oh, sorry. (smiles cheerfully, for an old man at least) 

I called you all here because I have invented something. Something 

that will help with all our lives as we know it."

Raynor- "What, you installed a camera in the girl's shower room?"

Duke- "How'd you know abo... -a-hem!- as I was saying. I had 

constructed something that will help all five of us."

Duran- "And that is?"

Duke- "This!! (holds up some weird device, looks like a hand-held 

Psi-Emitter) This is what I call the 'Girl Emiter.' (sorry, it's a 

very sucky name) What it does is it changes the frequency of a woman's 

mind and makes them do whatever you command. It changes their 

personality and will make them a more sexier version of themselves!!"

Arcturus- "Whoa Whoa whoa!!! Hold on a second here, so this sucker 

changes a girl completely!! And how do you know if it works!?"

Duke- "(smiling) Easy, I've already tested it."

(dead silence)

Duke- "In fact she's here right now. (to a door on the right side of the room) Oh Luna!!"

(The door opens to reveal Inf. Kerrigan, in red dress so tight that it 

would rival the Valkyrie's leather outfit. The skirt of the dress is 

nearly at the top of her thighs, just barely hiding anything 

underneath. Inf. Kerrigan looks over at Raynor and squeals in 

delight, then jumps right into his arms)

Inf. Kerrigan- "Oh, love, I hope you're ready for tonight, cause I've got something sweet and wet just for you."

(Raynor turns a bright red and Tassadar falls to the floor in laughter)

Raynor- "(narrowing his eyes at Duke) I hope this isn't permanent."

Duke- "No, but why would you want to turn her back."

Tassadar- "Oh, he just likes the challenge, that's all..."

Duke- "Well, then I would hope that you're interested in doing this to 

Sophia. (Tassadar's eyes widen) or Matriarch (Arcturus eyes widen)"

(Both Tassadar and Arcturus narrow their eyes at the same time, 

growling at him like Raynor is now)

Duran- "(eagerly) can you do it with Sarah?"

(Raynor, Tassadar and Arcturus glare at Duran)

Duran- "...I mean, you sick bastard"

(all four calmly stroll up to Duke...)

Duke- "..................................I'm gonna get hurt, aren't 

I?"

The others- "You got that right!!!"

Duke- "Oh shit..."

||Scene 37: Jurassic Park vs. the Zerg||

{warning!! I might have mispelled the names on some of the dinos, so don't try to be wise, because I know that they are mispelled and I can't find anything in the dictionary and/or Encyclopedia at this time. Thank you!!}

(Scene takes place during any mission. Zerglings ran about, scouting 

ahead of the main group. Hydralisks, Mutalisks, and Ultralisks (oh my) 

are not far behind.)

(Suddenly, a Velociraptor jumps out of the bushes, scaring the crap out 

of all the Zerglings.)

Director- "Cut!! Cut!! (Walks up to Raptor) And who, may I ask, are 

you?"

Velociraptor- "If you don't really know what I am, then you don't go 

out to the movies very much..."

Director- "YOU JUST MESSED UP A WEEK'S WORTH OF FILM!!"

Velociraptor- "Well, I thought this 'Starcraft' could use a real, scary monster, instead of these butt-ugly baffoons."

(All the zerglings growl)

Velociraptor- "Don't give me those looks, the dinosaurs could beat the 

crap out of you any day!!"

(Tom, the Zergling, steps out)

Tom- "Yeah right, we ain't afraid of you morons."

(The Velociraptor snaps his finger and instantly a T-Rex comes out. 

Tom screams and falls over. The T-Rex smiles evilly and is about to 

chew the helpless zerglging. But then an Ultralisk jumps into the 

scene and comes nose to nose with the T-Rex)

Ultralisk- "(growling) Why doin't you pick on somebody your own 

size..."

(Some more Velociraptors, Dilophosaurus' and some Hydralisks enter the scene)

Raptor #2- ^ "Oh look, if it ain't the stupid little crittors from 

Starcraft!!"

Bill (the Zergling) - "Oh? And which movie are you from?"

Raptor- "The third Jurassic Park, why?"

Bill- "Then shut up!! That movie sucked some serious ass!!"

Dilo- "Why you..."

Tom- "Your no better, all you ate in your movie was that fat guy, the guy could barely run for God's sake!!"

Dilo- "Why I outta. Get them!! Get these Morons!!"

Ted (the Hydralisk)- "Woo-hoo, we're gonna round us up some extinct 

carcasses!!!"

(A war breaks out between the two groups, leaving the Director and crew 

men giving out a frustrated sigh)

Finished again. Please don't flame me because of the idea of Arcturus 

and Matriarch. I tried to come up with another oddball couple, and 

these two were the first two that came into my mind. Sorry, I have a 

strange mind as is.

And for my Slayers story. I'm still writing the Prologue (don't be 

surprised, I scraped my first project and currently working on a new 

idea) All of the guys and gals that contacted me are still going to be 

in there, though some may not have a very big part. In fact, I will by 

writing these as if they are episodes, and some of the characters may 

be a character that comes in for a specific episode and only that 

episode. And to specify more, some may act like the bad guys in the 

beginning, but keep reading, they may just be on a different side. 

Also, some characters may come later into the story, so don't panic if 

you're not in there right away. The story shall go from one character 

to another, which shall be confusing, but keep reading it, please.

Also, to hurt myself even further. I'm still asking for any volunteers, only this time they will only star in specific episodes, making the story a little more hilarious or more chaotic. If you respond to me, write out your name/GENDER/Species/hair-eye color and 

any specific note that makes the character unique (NO PRIVATE 

ENHANCEMENT INCLUDED) ^

Species- Dragon, 

Monster(Demon), human, fox, troll, anything in Myths...


End file.
